Did It Ever Cross Your Mind
by Skye Coulson
Summary: Nobody would ever suspect Charlie Eppes of cheating. Especially not when he's already with the infamous Ian Edgerton. They'd always thought Ian was the one that everyone thought would be the one to hurt their beloved professor. MPREG! DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT!
1. Did It Ever Cross Your Mind, Boy?

**Did It Ever Cross Your Mind**

* * *

**Disclaimer:  
**As always, I own nothing except for the plot.

**Rating:  
**T

**Genre:  
**Romance|Angst

**Pairing:  
**Charlian (Charlie/Ian)

**Lyrics Used:  
**Vanessa Hudgens - "Did It Ever Cross Your Mind"  
All That Remains - "Thunder Rolls"

* * *

Did It Ever Cross Your Mind, Boy?

* * *

_Did it ever cross your mind | That I'd be left behind | Did you ever stop to think | You'd lose me in a blink | Did it ever cross your mind | _ | Did it ever cross your mind | Knowing it just ain't right_

_No no it just ain't right | No no it just ain't right_

* * *

Life is strange, isn't it? It certainly was for Ian Edgerton. The FBI agent couldn't ignore the irony of his situation. Everyone who'd ever known him knew he'd always been a love-'em-and-leave-'em type. Nobody had ever thought he would have ever settled down – much less with a math geek. Nevertheless, he had. He had fallen in love with the unassuming math professor from CalSci – probably because he'd been one of the few people that understood that there was far more to the mild mannered professor than met the eye. Sure Charlie Eppes was brilliant in his own field. But, nobody could deny that he was an equally skilled investigator; albeit somewhat … unorthodox. He was also stronger than one would think to look at him. And, while he may not have been classically attractive, Ian couldn't deny that – as far as looks were concerned – Charlie was utterly adorable with his silken jet black curls. Ian could lose himself for hours just gliding his fingers through Charlie's hair. And his rich chocolate brown eyes held a soulfulness that drew Ian in. And, of course, Ian was fascinated watching Charlie talk about math. The agent loved watching his mathematician light up while he was talking about some complicated algorithm or theory or whatever. Admittedly, Ian had no clue what the professor was talking about, half the time. He just knew he loved watching the passion that lit up his professor's face as he talked about the subject matter that he loved so much.

Sighing heavily, Ian scrubbed his hands down his face as he threw himself back on the bed upon which he currently sat, pondering just how in the hell he'd found himself in this position. He and Charlie had dated for about eight months – maintaining a long distance relationship as Ian was on the road so much – before they finally decided they both wanted more from their relationship. That had been when Ian had decided to accept a permanent transfer to LA to join Don's team. Soon after he'd gotten himself settled in LA, he and Charlie had finally decided to announce their relationship with the rest of their friends and – at least, in Charlie's case – family. They were pleasantly surprised at their friends' supportive reactions. While they'd always known that their friends would support them no matter what, they had expected them to be at least somewhat upset at them for hiding their relationship in the beginning. But, of course, their friends were all too good at their jobs which inevitably bled over into their personal lives. They had all previously figured out what was going on between the agent and the mathematician prior to their announcement.

However their support hadn't come without covert threats against Ian that Charlie had remained unaware of. Nearly every one of their friends had made some variation of the same threat – to rip out Ian's heart (or other various parts of his anatomy) should the agent ever hurt the professor. Of course that all went without saying – Ian would sooner die than do anything to hurt Charlie. But, he'd taken all of their threats in stride knowing they were just looking after their sweet, innocent friend. Mostly because he'd just assumed that they would have his back just as much as they had Charlie's. He just assumed they'd only made those threats because of Ian's track record with relationships … or lack thereof. He'd also assumed that he'd never have to worry about a kind, sweet, gentle man like Charlie ever hurting him. … How wrong he'd been. … How wrong they'd all been. When those threats had been made, nobody would have ever suspected sweet, innocent, Professor Charles Eppes of infidelity.

Ian had been sent out of town to collaborate with another team on an investigation into a man he'd tracked down, previously. The case had wrapped up sooner than they'd expected thanks to the perp's unexpected confession, so, Ian thought he would surprise Charlie by returning home, early. What he hadn't counted on was being on the _receiving _end of a far less happy surprise.

* * *

_3:30 in the mornin' | Not a soul in sight | City's looking like a ghost town | On a moonlit summer night | Rain drops on the windshield | There's a storm movin' in | He's headed back from somewhere that he never should have been_

_And the thunder rolls_

_And the thunder rolls_

* * *

_ The rain had been pouring down for hours but Ian managed to find his way into the old craftsman house and up to the master bedroom. He approached with caution as he heard strange sounds coming from the bedroom. However, he soon felt his heart shatter as he realized just what it was that he was hearing. The moans and mewling and the ruffling of sheets was unmistakable. The agent stood frozen just outside the only slightly ajar door as he contemplated his options. He could go in and confront his lover – see just who was worth throwing away everything that they'd had together. Or he could just run and never look back. He'd always been good at walking away and never looking back. But, in his gut, he knew this would be different. Finally, he steeled himself as he stepped through the door._

_ A woman gasped as she hastily covered herself with the sheets. To her credit, Ian had to admit that she was pretty – beautiful, even. But, his assessment of the woman for whom Charlie had thrown away their relationship was cut short as Charlie spoke. "Jesus, Don, don't you ever…" The math professor's rant trailed off as realization dawned on his face as he took in the sight of his boyfriend standing in the doorway. "Ian." He breathed._

_ "Save it, Charlie!" Ian snapped. "I don't wanna hear it. I was going to surprise you since we wrapped up the case early, but, I guess you've already got the element of surprise sewn up all nice and neat."_

_ "Ian, I swear – just let me explain–" Charlie spluttered as he quickly hurried out of bed and threw on his robe. "It's not what you think!"_

_ "Oh, please, Charlie!" Ian hissed, already turning his back to leave before calling over his shoulder. "I should think that a person with your IQ could come up with something a little better than that!"_

_ Charlie raced after his lover as Ian rushed toward the front door. "Ian, please! I'm so sorry!" Tears were beginning to sting in the backs of Charlie's eyes as Ian wrenched the front door open. "It was just physical! It meant nothing!"_

_ Ian barked a humorless laugh as he turned back to face Charlie. "Well, that's rich. You just threw away a year-long relationship for a meaningless one-night-stand! I hope, for your sake, it was worth it!" Without another word, Ian stormed out of the house._

* * *

The next few days had been a roller coaster ride. Just as he'd expected, once news of their break-up had spread around the team like wildfire, and Don – in particular – had been the first to blame Ian. However, after Charlie corroborated Ian's story of Charlie's infidelity, the elder Eppes brother had been quick to apologize for his mistaken assumption. Ian had forgiven him – after all, he could appreciate a man looking out for his baby brother and Ian's prior reputation did speak for itself.

Megan had offered her support and volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on should Ian ever find himself in need of one. He appreciated her offer of support. However, he preferred to suffer in solitude. He just needed to be alone for a while to process everything that had happened.

For their part, David and Colby had respected his need for space and distance. Ian appreciated that. As much as Ian needed his space, he knew it would be hard to come by at work with Charlie's consulting work with the team. Fortunately, the rest of the team readily accommodated Ian's need for distance from his ex-boyfriend. They all came together to find ways to keep Charlie and Ian apart from one another. Don typically opted for debriefing Charlie privately, away from the team. Even Charlie seemed to be sensitive to Ian's need to distance himself from him and made arrangements to work remotely out of his office at the university – only venturing out to the FBI offices when absolutely necessary.

However, despite everyone's best efforts, Ian still found the stress of his situation weighing on him more and more heavily by the day. Ever since he'd found Charlie cheating on him, Ian had developed an increasing bout of nausea. The nausea he could handle. But, he was really getting tired of the vomiting. More than that, he really didn't want to think about the implications of the nausea and the vomiting.

Thus, here he was, sitting on the rim of his bathtub, his elbows on his knees and his pursed mouth pressed to his entwined hands. _God, help me…_the agent thought to himself as he waited on pins and needles for the news that could potentially change his life, forever. Though, if he were honest with himself, he truthfully didn't know what results he was hoping for. Before things with Charlie had fallen apart, Ian would have been thrilled at the prospect of starting a family with Charlie. But, now … Now, he just wasn't sure about much of anything any more. However, before he could lose himself any further in this train of thought, he was jolted out of his reverie when the timer on his phone dinged – indicating that his results were ready to be read. "God, help me."


	2. Only Know Ya Love Him When Ya Let Him Go

**Did It Ever Cross Your Mind?**

* * *

**Disclaimer:  
**As always, I own nothing!

**Rating:  
**M (just in case)

**Genre:**

Romance/Angst/Hurt/Comfort

**Pairing:  
**Charlian

**Lyrics Used:  
**Within Temptation - "Let Her Go"

* * *

You Only Know You Love Him When You Let Him Go

* * *

_Well ya only need the light when it's burning low | Only miss the sun when it starts to snow | Only know ya love him when ya let him go_

* * *

Professor Charlie Eppes was dealing with this crisis the same way he dealt with every crisis thrown his way. He buried himself in his work. Although, granted - this time - he was finding his approach regrettably ineffective. Nothing he did could rid his mind of the thoughts of the single greatest mistake he'd ever made in his life; the night that the only person he'd ever truly loved (romantically, anyway) walked out of his life - presumably never to return.

That was why Charlie found himself feeling immeasurably grateful for the distraction brought to him by the knock on his door. "Hey, Don!" Charlie greeted, trying to keep his voice casual and light. He really did not feel like talking to Don about the problems weighing on his mind, right now. So, he secretly hoped that Don had come bearing a case to take his mind off of what was troubling him at the present time. "I just heard Ian resigned." _Shit._ Charlie thought to himself without a word. "You know anything about that?" Don asked, curiously, as Charlie continued to avoid his gaze without saying a word. _Well, damn._ Charlie thought to himself in silent resignation. But, he still couldn't bring himself to face Don or the truth and he just kept writing on his chalkboard.

Don couldn't help noticing that - as he spoke - his brother's writing was getting steadily more and more frantic. The elder Eppes brother was growing concerned. He knew Charlie was hiding something and he had to find out what that was and how to help his baby brother. "Charlie?" He asked, carefully, as he continued to cross the - thankfully empty - classroom to where his brother stood. "Charlie, are you okay, man?" He asked, the concern clearly etched in his voice.

"I'm fine." Charlie replied, fighting like hell to keep his voice casual and steady, though he knew his brother would see right through him. At the moment, though, he wasn't sure if he hated that about his brother or if he was grateful for it. Nevertheless, he attempted to redirect his focus to the equations before him.

"Charlie, are you-" Don began to repeat his question when he jumped ever so slightly at the sight of his brother's sudden reaction as he gently laid his hand on Charlie's shoulder. Don was startled as Charlie suddenly jerked and snapped the chalk in his hand before it clattered to the floor. "Charlie, what's going on with you?"

Drawing a steadying breath, Charlie steeled himself as he prepared to answer his brother's questions. "To answer your first question … Yes. … I do know why Ian resigned. …" Don could feel his brother trembling beneath his hand that rested on Charlie's shoulder as the mathematician continued to speak. "It's because of me … It's all my fault. … He left because of **me**!" Charlie cried, his trembling and shaking more and more with every word that he uttered.

"What?" Don breathed, dumbfounded by his brother's response. "What are you talkin' about?" He asked, turning Charlie to face him.

"I messed up." Charlie muttered, brokenly.

"What?" Don breathed, still struggling to make sense of what Charlie was trying to say. "Charlie what are you talking about?! What could you possibly have done?!"

"I RUINED **EVERYTHING**!" Charlie burst out, jolting Don as he violently ripped himself out of his brother's brother's grasp. "I fucked up while Ian was outta town on that investigation."

"Ah, no." Don sighed, dreading where he already knew where Charlie was going with this. "Charlie … Charlie, what did you do?"

"It was late … We'd just wrapped up that tough child molestation case … Normally, I would have just gone to Ian for help unwinding-"

"But, he was outta town." Don sighed, finishing his brother's thought.

"Right." Charlie sighed as he set his chalk down, knowing full well that he wouldn't be getting any academic work done for a while. "So, I made the stupid decision to go out for a drink, after work."

"Aw, Chuck …" Don sighed, scrubbing his hand down his face as he began pacing, anxiously, waiting for his brother to finish his sordid tale.

"I know." Charlie insisted, shakily. "I know, it was stupid. But, I never thought - for a moment - that I would end up meeting someone and taking them home!" He argued. "Don, you _know _me! You know that taking someone home was the _last _damn thing on my mind."

"Chuck, what were you thinking?!" Don declared.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Charlie roared, slamming his hands on his desk as he leapt from his seat. "I don't _know _what I was thinking! I was stressed out, I was alone-"

"So, what?" Don shrugged, sarcastically. "This is all Ian's fault?!" He sneered. "All he ever did was love you _unconditionally_! What, that suddenly wasn't enough for you?!"

"I MESSED UP, OKAY?!" Charlie roared. "I messed up!" He sighed, sinking back down into his chair, allowing his head to fall into his hands. "And, I would give _anything_ to fix it!"

Sighing heavily, Don couldn't believe this was really happening. When he'd first figured out that his brother was in love with the sniper/tracker, he'd always thought Ian would be the one saying all the things Charlie was saying, now. Everyone had always thought that Ian would be the one to hurt Charlie. But, as time had gone by, he could see clearly that Ian deeply loved the mathematician. He had grown to accept the sniper as a part of their family when he'd come to realize the depth of Ian's feelings for Charlie. Now, he didn't know who to defend. "Have you tried talking to him?" He finally caved and decided to try to help both his brother and the man his brother loved.

"You really have to ask?!" Charlie sneered. "After he ran out that night, I tried calling him … Left dozens of messages … Texted him probably a thousand times … He's not answering." Sighing, Charlie looked back up at Don as he spoke again. "I don't even know where he is, right now."

Don saw the tears streaming down his brother's face and ached for them. He hated seeing his brother hurting even though the smallest little voice in him couldn't help thinking that his brother deserved to hurt the way that Ian was undoubtedly hurting. "Gimme some time." Don replied, cryptically, turning toward the door - a strange look of determination on his face. "Let me see what I can do."

Charlie watched his brother walk out of his classroom. He couldn't deny his curiosity at the sight of his brother's odd determination. He couldn't help wondering what Don had up his sleeve. He also couldn't help hoping that Don could help him fix his mistake.


	3. Break Up In the End

**Did It Ever Cross Your Mind, Boy?**

* * *

**Disclaimer:  
**As always, I own nothing. … Except Jolene. She _is_ mine!

**Rating:  
**T

**Genre:  
**Angst|Romance|Hurt/Comfort|Family

**Pairing:  
**Charlian

**Lyrics Used:  
**Ty Herndon - "What Mattered Most"  
Cole Swindell - "Break Up In the End"

* * *

Break Up In the End

* * *

_His eyes are blue | His hair is long | In 84 he was born | In Los Angeles | His favorite song is In My Life | I memorized his every move | I knew his books, his cars his clothes | But, I paid no attention to what mattered most_

* * *

Don Eppes paced his office at the FBI. It had been nearly a week since he'd learned of his brother and Ian's break up; nearly a week since he had made it his lot in life to find the missing sniper/tracker. He had to give credit where credit was due. Ian Edgerton was not an easy man to track when he didn't want to be found. The man knew how to disappear. Don supposed that was because he also - better than most - knew how to track people that did not want to be found. He knew Ian would know all of their tricks to try to track him down and knew Ian would eventually find out about the break up and try to find him. So far, all Don had managed to find in his search for the missing sniper/tracker was that Ian had emptied his bank accounts and disappeared. "Damn it, Ian, where are you?" Don muttered, under his breath, as he looked up when Colby entered the office. "You got anything?"

"Not a lot." Colby sighed regretfully as he handed his boss a manilla file. "Ian's got a sister, Jolene Carlisle -" He began, explaining his findings before Don interrupted curiously.

"'Carlisle'?" Don interject, confused. " … Married name?" He surmised after a moment's contemplation.

"Yeah." Colby nodded. "Her maiden name is Jolene Edgerton." He elaborated before continuing where Don had interrupted. "Anyway, she lives in Wichita, Kansas." He added, alluding to his train of thought. "I know if I were Ian and the person I loved and trusted had cheated on me … I'd probably go back home to family for support." He finished, suggestively.

"Yeah, but, why wouldn't Ian have ever mentioned her?" Don wondered, aloud.

Colby just shrugged. "You know Ian." He offered. "You know he's not exactly Mr. Touchy-Feeley. He never really talked about his past much at all. Are you really that surprised he never mentioned having a sister?"

"Yeah, I guess." Don shrugged, looking over the file in his hand.

"Anyway, we got an address on her." Colby offered, knowing full-well what his boss had in mind.

"Yeah, I see that." Don replied, distractedly, as he snapped the file shut as he made up his mind. Grabbing his keys from his desk, he didn't look at Colby as he added "That's good work, Colby."

"You're welcome." Colby quipped, sarcastically, as Don had already left.

* * *

_Three Days Earlier_

* * *

_Even if I knew you'd be the one that got away | I'd still go back and get you | Even if I knew you'd be my best and worst mistake | Oh, I'd still make it with you | Over and over, again and again | Even though we break up in the end_

* * *

Jolene Carlisle had just returned home from work. Her guard was up the moment she reached her front door and realized it was already unlocked. Knowing, full-well, that she always locked her door when she left for work, Jolene reached into her purse for the pistol that she always kept in there for protection as she slowly, carefully, opened the front door - drawing her gun - as she carefully entered her apartment.

"Is that any way to greet your brother?" Ian Edgerton smiled smugly, from his sister's couch.

"Damn it, Ian." Jolene rolled her eyes as she put her pistol back in her purse before closing the door. "You know I hate it when you do that." She smirked as she set her purse down on the kitchen counter before flopping down on the couch next to her brother.

"Yeah, well." Ian sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees before turning back to his sister. "This wasn't exactly, a pre-planned trip. You were at work when I got here, so, I let myself in with the key you gave me last time I was in town."

Jolene's brow furrowed as she took in her brother's body language and listened to the words he wasn't he wasn't saying. She knew her brother wasn't one to just travel half-way across the country on a whim. Concerned, she gently rubbed her brother's back as she asked "Ian, what's going on?" Her concern was only heightened when she felt her brother begin to tremble beneath her hand.

Ian sighed as he contemplated the answer to his sister's question. "Irony." He replied, cryptically. "It all comes back to irony."

"Okay, sweetie, I know you think you're explaining." Jolene replied, trying to comfort her brother through humor. "But, you're really not."

Sighing, Ian leaned back into the couch. He contemplated how to answer his sister's question as her hand slid from it's previous place on his back as he leaned back. In the end, he decided to just rip the band-aid off. "When I got back from DC … I found Charlie in bed … with a woman."

"Oh, God." Jolene breathed, shocked. She had never actually met the man that had done the impossible and stolen her brother's heart. But, she had heard a lot about him. She never would have imagined him to be the two-timing type. "Ian, I am so sorry."

"Oh, it gets better." Ian replied, darkly, piquing his sister's curiosity. Turning his gaze to his sister, he added "Shortly after I left him … I found out I'm pregnant."

"Oh my god." Jolene sighed. She couldn't deny the sympathy she felt for her brother. She also couldn't begin to fathom how conflicted he was feeling, right now. "Ian, sweetie, I am so sorry." Not knowing what else to say, she offered "Is there anything I can do?"

"Can I just hide out here for a few days while I get my head on straight?" Ian asked, lamely, hating how vulnerable he was feeling, in that moment.

Resting her hand on her brother's knee, Jolene smiled gently as she replied "Ian, you know you are always welcome, here." Pausing, briefly, she added "My home is your home."

* * *

_Present Day_

* * *

_Okay, I have _got_ to get an unlisted apartment._ Jolene Carlisle thought to herself as she pulled up to her apartment and saw yet another man approaching her front door. "Can I help you?" She asked the dark-haired stranger preparing to knock on her door.

"Yeah." The stranger replied, turning to face her. "You Jolene Carlisle?" He asked, slipping his aviator sunglasses off of his face.

"What's it to you?" Jolene questioned, suspiciously.

"My name's Don Eppes." Jolene rolled her eyes as she knew exactly where this is going.

"You're Charlie's brother." She surmised.

"And, you're Ian's sister." Don quipped. "I just came to see if you know where he is. All right?" He added, motioning with his hands to indicate that he came in peace. As he took in the woman before him, he could tell she was as concerned about her brother as he was about his. "Look, Charlie told me all about what happened-"

"And, he's your baby brother so you're gonna protect him, is that it?" Jolene sneered. She was not about to help anyone willing to defend a cheater. "Your brother screwed up."

"Yeah, and he freely admits that." Don conceded. "Look, I'm not gonna stand here and defend what my brother did. What Charlie did was wrong and he knows that." He reasoned. "But, we all make mistakes."

"No, a _**mistake**_ is forgetting to subtract a charge when you're balancing your checkbook!" Jolene could feel her blood beginning to boil as she listened to Don defending his brother's actions. "Charlie had plenty of opportunity to stop and think about what he was doing! He made a conscious decision to take that woman home! He _chose _to sleep with her _knowing _he was already involved with my brother!" She fumed. "Charlie did not make a _mistake_! He made a _choice_! Now, he can live with the consequences of his choice!" Jolene attempted to push her way past the FBI agent to get into her apartment - looking forward to the moment she could slam the door in his face. She did manage to grip the knob - probably a little too firmly - in her hand before Don spoke again.

"What, you can't tell me you've never made a decision you don't regret." The agent reasoned, smirking ever-so-slightly at the way Jolene froze at his statement. "You can't tell me there's no decision that you've made that you wouldn't give anything to go back and change." He knew he had her. "Sure, he made a choice. And, yes, he made the wrong choice." The FBI agent conceded. "But, shouldn't he at least have the chance to apologize for his actions? I mean, doesn't your brother deserve an apology?"

Sighing, heavily, in resignation, Jolene decided to split the difference between lying and the truth. "Look, even if I knew where Ian was, right now…" She began, choosing her words carefully. "…whether he talks to Charlie or not … That has to be _his_ decision." She reasoned. " … Not yours … Not mine … Not Charlie's … _His_." She concluded, turning back to her door.

"Look, will you just…" Don called out, desperate to help his brother and Ian. "…Will you just let Ian know that Charlie's sorry? … That he'd give anything to make things right? … Ya know ... If you hear from him?"

Jolene paused as she mulled over Don's request before she gave him one last look. "_If _I hear from him…" Turning away from Don, she left her unspoken response hanging in the air as she entered her apartment.

Don took a moment to mull over the exchange between himself and Ian's sister. The investigator in him told him that she wasn't being completely truthful. She knew where Ian was. Clearly, she knew what went down between Charlie and Ian. But, he couldn't deny that he understood her motives in protecting her brother. He'd often thought about what he, himself, would do if Ian had ever done what Charlie did. After another moment of silent contemplation, Don decided to accept Jolene's reaction. For now.

* * *

"Don out there?" Ian questioned, looking up from the dinner he'd been preparing, when Jolene entered the apartment.

"You heard that, huh?" Jolene sighed as she flopped down on the couch.

"Your walls are pretty thin." Ian reasoned, as he left his pot to simmer as he joined his sister on the couch.

"You're telling me?" Jolene chuckled. "You should hear how some of the neighbors carry on at night.

"You think I haven't?" Ian smirked, for a moment, before returning to the matter at hand. "So, Don wants me to talk to Charlie." He sighed, before leaning back into the cushions of the couch, before turning to look at his sister. "What do you think I should do?"

Heaving a sigh of her own, Jolene mimicked her brother's actions as she leaned back and turned to face him. "I don't know." She conceded. "I mean, I can't deny that you do need to talk to him. Granted, not for the reasons Don thinks you should talk to him." She grinned, knowing what Don did not know was at stake. "I can't deny that Charlie does have a right to know that he's a father." She reasoned, glancing down at Ian's still flat abdomen. "But, I can't deny that I understand why this is hard for you."

"Yeah, it's not like I don't think about that." Ian conceded as his hand subconsciously found its way to his abdomen. "Especially, every time he blows up my phone."

"Yeah, you can't deny that he shares his brother's tenacity." Jolene admitted.

"That's for sure." Ian sighed as he mulled over his situation. "I think we both know what I have to do." He decided. "I think we both know it's time I went back to LA."

Jolene remained silent as she contemplated the whole situation. She didn't want to force Ian to face Charlie when she knew he didn't want to. And, if it wasn't for the baby, she would have tried to talk him out of it. But, she knew Charlie needed to know. Patting her brother's knee, affectionately, she softly added "Yeah, I know. But, you know you're always welcome here if you ever need to get away."

"Thanks, Jo." Ian smiled, grateful for his sister's unwavering support.

"Now." Jolene clapped as she decided it was time for a change of subject. "I don't know about you but I'm starving and whatever you've got on the stove smells delicious!" Ian could only chuckle at his sister's subject change which he gratefully accepted.


	4. If I Could Have You Back

**Did It Ever Cross Your Mind, Boy**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**  
You know the drill, by now.

**Rating:**  
T

**Genre:**  
Romance|Hurt/Comfort|Angst

**Pairing:**  
Charlian

**Lyrics Used:**  
Aly & AJ - "If I Could Have You Back''

* * *

If I Could Have You Back

* * *

_If I could have you back, again | I'd think about it once or twice I guess | If I could have you back | I'd reconsider maybe I'd say yes | On the other hand, it would be better to have a life | Without all the constant indecision over | If I could have you back | If I could have you back_

* * *

Charlie sighed as he walked into the Craftsman house, dropping his keys in the bowl by the door while hanging his bag on a hook on the other side of the door. It had only been just over a week since Ian had left town, but Charlie was so bursting with all the things he wanted to say to the man that it felt as though it'd been forever. Suddenly, Charlie felt as though his heart had stopped as he looked up as he took in the sight of the aforementioned tracker/sniper. "Ian." Charlie breathed, shock rocking him to his very core.

"Charlie." Ian sighed, mentally preparing himself for the impending confrontation, as he rose from the couch and stepped toward Charlie. However, before he could make it too far, he suddenly felt himself wrapped in Charlie's arms. God, it felt good. But, he had to remind himself to stay strong. No matter how much he may still be in love with the professor, he just didn't know how he could ever trust him again. "Charlie." He repeated, audibly more forcefully, as he forced himself to pull Charlie off of him. "Look, I have to talk to you."

Charlie would have been lying if he'd said he wasn't hurt by the sniper's reaction to his embrace. Though, he couldn't be surprised. After the way he'd betrayed Ian, he really couldn't very well expect the sniper to just welcome him back with open arms. "Yeah, I … I know." Charlie sighed. "I know, and I just … I just want you to know how truly _deeply _sorry I am. For everything. I honestly can't even give you a reason why I did what I did - "

"Charlie, stop." Ian interjected, raising his hands to stop Charlie from falling all over himself trying to apologize. "I know. Okay? I know you're sorry."

"I mean it, Ian!" Charlie insisted. "From the bottom of my heart I sincerely apologize!"

"I know you do." Ian replied, his voice softening audibly. "And I appreciate it."

"Thank you!" Charlie breathed in relief as he moved to wrap his arms around the sniper, once more only to have the embrace rejected, yet again.

"What are you doing?" Ian eyed Charlie, quizzically.

"Well, I just thought …" Charlie shrugged, dropping his gaze to the floor. " … I thought you forgave me." The words were so softly spoken that Ian almost wasn't quite sure he'd heard them.

"I did." Ian replied, gently, drawing Charlie's gaze back up to his own. "I do forgive you, Charlie." He elaborated "But, I can never trust you again." Ian sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh." Charlie uttered, disappointed. "I see." Really, what else did he expect? _I shoulda known better._ Charlie thought to himself. _I mean, a guy can't go and cheat on the man he loves and expect all to be forgiven and forgotten and go right back to normal._ "Is that … Is that all you came for?" He asked, pathetically.

"No." Ian sighed, nervously, turning as he started pacing anxiously. "No, there's something else I need to talk to you about."

Charlie watched Ian as he felt the concern overtake him. He'd never seen the sniper so anxious and so worked up. Ian was practically vibrating with anxiety. Charlie had never seen the man nervous before. He couldn't even begin to fathom what could possibly make Ian Edgerton nervous. "Ian?" He interjected, worriedly. "What's wrong? Are you all right? You're starting to worry me."

Ian couldn't stop the half-chuckle at that thought. "Yeah." Ian replied, glancing down for a moment before returning his gaze to Charlie. "Yeah, I'm fine. I, uh … Just have to tell you something and I'm not quite sure how to say it." He explained as he scrubbed the back of his head nervously.

"Well, just tell me." Charlie reasoned, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "Ian, this is me you're talking to." He pressed onward. "Despite everything that's happened, you know you can tell me anything." The mathematician added, stepping closer to Ian, carefully reaching his hands out to lightly grip Ian's biceps - breathing a mental sigh of relief with the sniper didn't shirk his grip - as he continued. "You know I'll never judge you."

"That's…not…_exactly _what I'm worried about." Ian half smirked at the thought. Drawing a deep, steadying, breath he decided just to get it over with. "Charlie, the reason I came here, today, is to tell you that …" Charlie waited on baited breath for Ian to finish the thought. "I'm pregnant." Ian sighed, waiting for the dust to settle from the bomb that he'd just dropped.

Charlie stood stock-still with shock as he took in Ian's words. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard. This was incredible news - or, at least, it would have been, in happier times. Charlie'd often dreamed of starting a family with Ian, one day. He only wished it had been under happier circumstances. Though, he knew he had no one to blame for his circumstances, but, himself. "Ian, I - "

"Don't." Ian interjected, sharply. "You don't have to say anything." Ian elaborated. "I want you to know that I hold you to no expectations." Charlie fought back the hurt he felt at that statement. "That's not what I meant!" Ian added, hurried, noting the hurt look on Charlie's face. "I just meant that … I don't mean to put any pressure on you." He added, dragging his fingers through his hair in frustration as he searched for the right words to convey the message he was trying to get across. "What I mean to say is … I want you to be as involved as you _want _to be."

Charlie relaxed, slightly, as he took in the rest of what Ian had to say. He had to admit, it was one hell of a bombshell. "I wanna be there." He replied, with a determination and drive that Ian hadn't expected. That's not to say that he'd thought that Charles Eppes would be a dead beat - not for a second. He just thought it would take longer for Charlie to get his bearings back after that bomb shell. "Every step of the way. I wanna be there - for you _and _the baby." Charlie reiterated.

Ian also relaxed as he took in Charlie's reaction. "Okay." Ian smiled, softly. "Okay. … I promised to keep you updated every step of the way." He agreed.

"Thank you." Charlie replied as he fidgeted, awkwardly, as he and Ian exchanged positions, Ian moving toward the door. Charlie noted how he seemed like he couldn't get out fast enough. Honestly, he shared the feeling. But, he also understood it. "Hey, Ian?"

Turning back to Charlie, Ian quirked an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"I just want you to know … I meant what I said." Charlie offered, lamely, hanging his head in shame.

Ian understood the underlying meaning. Against his better judgment, he gave into his urge to cross the room to Charlie. Lightly gripping the professor's chin between his thumb and forefinger, Ian gently raised Charlie's head to meet his gaze. Staring softly into his former lover's eyes, he spoke gently as he replied "I know you did." Stroking the professor's chin with his thumb, Ian steadfastly ignored the racing of his heart as he resisted the urge to kiss Charlie. Holding the mathematician's gaze a moment longer, Ian finally forced himself to wrench himself away from Charlie as he headed out the door.

Charlie stared, frozen to the spot, as he watched Ian walk out the door, once more. This changed, everything. He had no idea what the future held for himself and Ian. He only hoped that he and Ian could work come together for the sake of their child.


End file.
